Fresh from Mardi Gras, Joan Rivers stops by draped in green and purple beads and shares her reaction to the New Orleans celebration. "The whole city is feathers and beads; you think you're in Tom Cruise's closet," Joan jokes. "It's amazing!" Rachael asks why her daughter didn't join her for the trip, and Joan brings out the clutch bag Melissa is busy promoting at Dillard's department stores. The small purse comes packed with the essentials for primping during a night out on the town, which Joan jokes she can go without as her dates are not so demanding. "The nice thing with the men my age, they go to sleep! I had a man die on a date. Die! ... I had to reach into his pocket to get the American Express card. I wasn't going to pay, there's no future," she deadpans.

Rachael quickly shifts gears to the Oscars®, asking about Joan's favorite celebrity couple of the evening. "Russell Crowe and Russell Crowe!" she says. "He loves himself." Joan raves about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but can't resist taking a shot at their seating choice. "I thought what was interesting was that they sat in the front row even though they kind of knew they weren't going to get anything. But I think she was hoping like the Slumdog kids would fall off," Joan says. "She was just sitting there with her net: 'Come to Angelina!'"

With the awards show season complete, Joan is using her favorite all-time red carpet moments for her fictionalized mystery book Murder at the Academy Awards, and is bringing her quick wit to the new Celebrity Apprentice, which debuts Sunday night on NBC. "You get 12 people in a room and you're all very polite the first day," Joan explains. "And then you start to find out who is good, who is bad, who is a shirker, who is a worker, who is honorable, who is a liar. And with the celebrities you always think the public image is the real image ... everyone lies about everything!"

Only online! Backstage, Joan Rivers' reveals his one must-have item!